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         More Information Green: When I have seen you playing video games until dinner and then have heard you say that you  
VRP: You are so lazy! And you will never get anywhere if you just lay around and play video games! Green: When I have seen you playing video games until dinner and then have heard you say that you were too tired to study, I have felt frustrated and angry. I think that you could complete your homework and projects each day with about one hour of dedicated study time with the TV off. Please tell me if you will do that, and I would like you tell me if you will do that this week.
The parent is probably frustrated and worried, and instead of saying so, states the Persecuting labels "so" and "lazy", most likely fueling more of his or her own frustration and worry.

Notice the negative prophecy that follows, "you will never get anywhere," presenting a lower standard of achievement than the parent actually wants for the child.

In addition, the infenences "just" and "lay around" add more Persecution to the mix, making a VRP reaction from the child more likely.
All four elements of Green Language are here: Observations, Feelings, Thoughts, and Wants.

The use of Green Language rather than VRP Language will by-pass repetitive forays into bouts of accusations and defensiveness.

VRP language exchanges result in reenactments of old dramas with painful consequences for both sides of the interaction.


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Team Edserve Inc. Pleasanton, CA, John Tompkins, Psychotherapist, MFT #7323
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