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         More Information Green: When I heard you say, 
VRP: People that think the way that you think are the kind of people I try to avoid. Green: When I heard you say, "Why should I do anything for you, I don't get paid," I felt sad, angry, frustrated, and hurt. If you are asked again, I would like you to say how you are feeling and what you are wanting.
What the parent is trying to get across may be important for the child to understand.

However, the values advice that the parent is hoping that the child will think about will most likely be lost in the VRP presentation.

That is, the Persecution in the inferences about knowing what is going on inside of someone else's brain will probably be reacted to defensively (rather than thoughtfully) by the receiver of the message (continuing the VRP drama).
The Parent stays Green by saying the Observation of the child's words, followed by his (or her) feelings, followed by a Want that shows the desired behavior.

Using the Green keeps the parent in the Now-moment and out of drama, modeling drama-free responses as an alternative to VRP reactions.


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Team Edserve Inc. Pleasanton, CA, John Tompkins, Psychotherapist, MFT #7323
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