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VRP: I don't feel cared for by you the way you don't listen. Green: When you walked out of the room while I was answering your question, I felt frustrated and hurt.
"Caring for," rather than being a feeling, is what someone can think that someone else is doing.

However, to label what I think someone else is experiencing as my own "feeling" is to present myself as somone's Victim, labeling him (or her) as a Persecutor.

Adding the NOT that is in the contraction, "don't" ("feel" cared for), is to compound the VRP-ing.

"The way you don't listen," infers a "way" that "exists" somehow, and you, "don't listen" has another Persecutor/Victim "NOT" contraction (don't) coupled to the claim of knowing what is going on in the other person's head and ears, listening-wise. Whew!
The Green here is in reporting the two behaviors that have been Observed ("walked out of the room," and "while I was answering"), and the Feelings ("frustration" and "hurt") that have been experienced.

Certainly there is a time relationship ("while") between the one person's behavior and the other's feelings, and, as stated in Green Language, it is spoken free of blame or attack. Perhaps a Want (specific action that is desired) could be said next.

An example of a Want that could be said with a specific action might be something such as, "I would like you to remain in the room until I tell you that I have finished answering your question."


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Team Edserve Inc. Pleasanton, CA, John Tompkins, Psychotherapist, MFT #7323
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