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         More Information Green: Tonight I'd like you wear the shirt that you got for your birthday. I'm wondering if that w 
VRP: Don't you think you should put on a clean shirt before we go out tonight? Green: Tonight I'd like you wear the shirt that you got for your birthday. I'm wondering if that would be OK with you.
This wording, a "question statement," while presented as an inquiry (a question), can likely be taken by the hearer as a "should" and perhaps taken offense to. Saying Wants as questions, especially as, "Don't you think . . . ?" presentations, can be heard as Persecuting (therefore VRP) controlling "shoulds". One husband reported, "I always say, 'No', just to irritate her" [a reactionary Victim / Presecutor response in defense / offense mode]. The Want (green) is clear and direct with a follow-on Want sentence inquiring as to whether the other person is in agreement with what was requested.


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Team Edserve Inc. Pleasanton, CA, John Tompkins, Psychotherapist, MFT #7323
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